I have had such trouble writing this particular post- as words cannot describe the feeling of such a loss, or sum up the emotions we have endured throughout this year.. words cannot display the test on our faith, our marriage, our lives.
During this year, we witnessed my husband’s dearest mom suffer to more than I have ever seen someone suffer, and lose to a very aggressive cancer battle- in which she fought with EVERY inch of her body, mind, and spirit. Aside from the obvious heartache that we all shared this Christmas season- I never realized all of the other emotions that entailed with losing someone so close.
All year, I had watched my husband go through all the stages of grief– anger, sadness, more anger….I tried to helplessly support and comfort him during those times, and remind him of our faith through all the moments of frustration, confusion, and hurt.
It wasn’t until the last two days of my mother in law’s life, that I was filled with such anger! It hit me like a brick wall. The reality sunk in, and that deep feeling of losing someone forever was horrifying to the point that it made me feel sick.
My dearest friend reminded me, right as I was going down a horrible path in my mind, that it’s all in God’s will. It’s up to God for when it is time for us to go. She reminded me to keep my faith. I definitely needed that spiritual boost to get through those last couple of days, and the weeks to follow.
Two weeks after she passed, it was the Christmas season. Definitely one of the toughest Christmases to go through– but it’s amazing what family can do to help each other during this time.
While visiting my family out of town, we attended Christmas Mass. My 8 year old niece pointed out significant details in the church to our daughter- and what really stuck to Norah, was that Jesus was there. She was so fascinated with Him! When we all stood up at the start of Mass, Norah spoke loudly, “Is Jesus coming out??!! Is He coming??” with great excitement– as excited as the kids were with the thought of Santa coming the night before.
Afterwards, I was explaining to Norah that we may not be able to actually SEE Jesus, but that He is in our hearts always, and I realized that that simple message sums up my lesson of this year:
Keep your faith strong-whatever it be-that is where our inner strength is found.
Keep close to your family and friends-those who are important to you- they will not be on earth forever..But they will always be in your heart.. like Jesus!
Until next time.. T. xx