So, the past couple of weeks were a rough few weeks- for me. My struggles may not seem tough to others, and I know many people who are unbearably suffering which I cannot even compare my issues to, but to me-I was having one of those days/weeks/months.
I am surrounded by so many good people- husband, friends, family, my adorable daughter. However, when one thing after another starts to pile up and merge into one big messy ball of stress, it is hard for me to escape my anxious mind and see the good and to be happy around my loved ones.
It wasn’t until two things happened that made me realize what I need to focus on. One was an incident this past week, and the other was my friend’s blog (I will get to that in my next blog!)
So let’s rewind: I am feeling so overwhelmed, in tears, cannot concentrate on anything- so I try to recognize I need to take a breath, and book a day off from work, an actual mental health day. A chance for me to refresh my mind and regroup. As I walk in the door after work the day before my day off, I arrive to a burst water pipe and my entire basement damaged due to water.
Warning- incoming panic attack!!! There I am, husband still at work, my daughter crying because I had put her down to rush and turn the water off, staring at a massive mess and I swear I lost my breath for a moment.
I thought- this is it. my world is ending. This pipe bursting was a metaphor of my mind too full of worries to be able to handle anything else! That is how my anxious mind works.
I love to cook, but I think that night, my daughter ate cookies and kraft dinner and went to bed late as we all cleaned up the mess best we could. Everything out of routine- my life reflecting my mess of a mind. I was losing my ability to mother, to be a team with my husband, to be MYSELF. This was NOT good.
Yet, this situation actually saved me! This happening forced me to face my anxiety because I had no other choice. I couldn’t just go hide in my room and close the world off. I had to use my CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) to realize that the water damage was not the end of the world. The worst case scenario did not happen- we are all alive, the house is still standing, and it is just the basement that needs to be restored. So we made a claim with our insurance. It was a good refresher course in practicing my CBT to go through that mental process.
After that, I have been dealing with all the minor stresses one day at a time- doing yoga, less phone time (technology makes it very hard to live in the moment, one day at a time) and getting extra creative with my cooking (it brings me joy, honestly- i just love it). Last night, with a bare cupboard, I made tuna-stuffed sweet potato skins and they were delicious!
Sometimes when we think we cannot handle any more, we are given even more to realize that we are strong and can take on any situation with the right mindset!!
I have another blog to follow this, as there was an even more important realization going on during this time. stay tuned! xx